if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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