I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
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I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
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I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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