Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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