Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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