I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
