He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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