a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
