I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
