i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
