We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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