You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
