we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
