i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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