She is in my trunk
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
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He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
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Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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