please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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