apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
