Are we in a gay sports bar?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
