i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
don't judge my taste in strippers
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
