I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Come see our sink grown plant.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
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Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
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I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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