This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
