she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
