it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
