I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
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Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
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If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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