while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
