Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
