I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
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In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
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