I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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