Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
