i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
