Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
