all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
