he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
