his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
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