T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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