i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
