Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
