Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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