i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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