i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
