Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
it glows. i had to have it.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
