The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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