i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
