I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Everyone says I win the strip club
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
