yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
