Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
