Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
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My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
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If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I need a beard to bite.