Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
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So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
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Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."