I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.