This girl is more easily done than said...
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm way too hungover for life right now