Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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