This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
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you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
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Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.