even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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