So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
