soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
