You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm way too hungover for life right now
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
