Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
