dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
