I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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