Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
