"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
