I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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