We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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