sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Life without a bra equals bliss.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
