I'm going to jail i love you
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
