Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
