is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
