OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
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